As the Holidays arrive, we think of our Beloveds who are no longer here to celebrate with us, yet may be blessing us from beyond the veil.

Participating in the UUCT Date with Death Club since August has enriched my own perspective with wise resources as I prepare to join them—(perhaps sooner rather than later?!)

As I approach 80 years old, I’m acutely mindful of “getting my affairs in order” for the sake of my three sons. The UU Date with Death Club has been a precious resource for this on-going process. So much to consider and decide!

In August, we began to plan/write our own obituaries—planting the seeds for a whole life review adventure. I’ll be writing a more formal obituary for public view, and another (humorous and lively) one to give full rein to my thoughts about this lifetime. (What a ride!)

For September, we talked about, “What is the most memorable, moving, and/or awkward funeral you’ve attended?” In response, I found myself listing the many celebrations of life I’ve been privileged to attend. Such rich experiences! Of course, the next question then arises: “what would I want for my own service?” Again, such depth of possibility awaits my decision-making process.

Among the most poignant of questions presented was, “what do I envision for my own deathbed vigil?”

Would I want dark curtains or a bed near a window? Solitude or companionship? Music or silence? For me, as the circumstances change, I would no doubt want different options. Right now, I imagine the dying process to be a bit like giving birth—with my focus concentrated on releasing my body—so a sacred silence would be most supportive.

For October, we pondered, “What makes for a good death, and what would be the most difficult to relinquish?” For me, loss of ability to drive and to live independently could be very tough. To begin preparing and for the sake of my sons, I’m reducing my belongings to only what I really need, along with photos, journals, and art.

There’s much to consider, and the answers gradually reveal themselves over time. For me, the DwDC is just the beginning. I would like to have on-going group support for further explorations at UUCT. 

With so much gratitude to Alessandra and Linda for their wise leadership of DwDC sessions and to all who came for their humorous and courageous participation!

Note: The full curriculum is available for free by request at this website: https://datewithdeathclub.com/ 

To be continued…

_____________________________________________________________________________________

A note from Alessandra Nysether-Santos, Director of Religious Exploration: 

Date with Death Club began in February 2024 here at UUCT. This monthly opportunity to learn, share, and deepen our understandings of death, particularly one’s own, began as requests for programming about end of life. Linda Wright suggested Date with Death Club, a curriculum by Rev. Karen G. Johnston, a UU minister. 

After two seasons and nine sessions, this first cycle of DwDC came to a close on November 23, 2024. Click here to learn more about everything we covered. 

As we wonder where DwDC will go next (Stay tuned: a lay-led support group is forming!), I hope that you enjoyed this article about Date with Death Club by participant Johanna Rucker…